Working Caregiver- Caregiver Articles
In childhood we experience family, relationships and the entire world much like a sponge; we absorb, we take in and feel.
Life Influence
written by David Cantu, Ask the Elder care Expert - Life Coach
http://www.workingcaregiver.com/askexpert/lifecoach
Life Influence
We all see life in a unique way and this view of life is strongly influenced at an early age (about zero to seven years). In childhood we experience family, relationships and the entire world much like a sponge; we absorb, we take in and feel. It isn't until later that we acquire the intellect that allows us to accurately discern the meanings of these experiences. However, by then we have already "soaked up" these experiences and have unconsciously interpreted them. Apparently we have now been greatly influence by life. By the age of seven we have in significant ways decided how life works, what it means to be a man or woman, how families operate, who "I" am and what I can and can't do in life. We have made up in our psyche the "rules" of life. This "mold" (or what psychologists call ego) is alive and well for most people throughout their entire lives and is not very often brought to consciousness. One exception to this is the advent of serious difficulties in life. These difficulties can be an opportunity for us to reflect on the paths of our lives and to question the validity and the source of our life decisions and behaviors. From this introspection comes the possibility of true and effective change: the possibility of influencing our world.
A frequent pitfall as we begin this search for understanding and relief is to look outside ourselves. We might be inclined to focus on our spouse, on our family of origin or on external circumstances. This type of focus is rarely effective; the best place to search is within ourselves. The following types of questions can be invaluable: Why and how am I creating these results in my life? How do I truly see myself? What kind of feedback am I getting from people closest to me? Why do I get this feedback? How is this information true and beneficial or false and harmful?
We are all at our core loving and powerful individuals. Some of the most meaningful work that you can do in life is to get help in identifying the views you have of life that keep you from living your full potential. Once you've identified these views you can begin to dismantle the ones that are harmful and strengthen those that are useful in order to create the life you desire and deserve: a life that is peaceful, joyous and loving.
I have found it helpful to distinguish the different aspects of life and to note both the impact that each aspect has on our lives and our influence at each level. An understanding of these levels of influence can help us focus our energy on constructive change rather than cosmetic or temporary and ineffective solutions. A powerful goal is a connection with and awareness of our most powerful loving selves.
Spirit (Truth)
At our core we each have an awareness of truth. Our soul is the core of our being and it guides our life. The ultimate choice in life is whether to live in alignment with in opposition to our spirit. Manifesting and living in harmony with our spirit is ultimately the only thing that will bring us the love and joy we seek. Our spirit is the conduit for God's will; it constantly brings about the experiences necessary for us to evolve to the point where we live in peace with the world. It is through truth that we connect with the entire universe and with God. At our core we are all loving, powerful, understanding, peaceful and joyous children of God. In order to know God we must live in harmony with our spirit.
Ego (Belief or Subconscious)
Ego is the most powerful aspect of our lives over which we have influence. Beliefs are the tools of our ego and they reign supreme over all other aspects of our lives with the sole exception of our soul. Most of these beliefs have roots in childhood; they include pride, victimization, addiction, control, fear, solitude and anger. These ideas, if unchallenged in adulthood, can be very harmful to us. Invariably we are all ruled by one or more mistaken beliefs. In order for us to live a life of true peace and joy we must uncover and uproot these powerful and crippling false gods. Real change in our lives must impact us at this level of ego. Change at any other level that leaves intact these notions we have of ourselves and of the world is likely to be temporary at best. Ultimate transformation of ego requires surrender to God. The tools of transformation include forgiveness, humility, courage, acceptance, wisdom, responsibility and compassion.
Mind (Intellect)
We tend to glorify Intellect in our culture but I prefer to think of it as a very useful tool. It's a bridge between the world and our inner selves. Both our intellect and emotions serve our ego by responding to the events of life through the lens of past experience. Notions of pride, worthlessness, judgment and fear are indications of an intellect that is a slave to one’s ego. In order to create the life we really want we must free our minds of this bondage and use them constructively to inform us rather than have them operate as a mere agent of our ego's. Truth is the agent that can give us mastery over our minds.
Emotion
It's very helpful to see emotion as a guide: an indication of how we see the world. Emotion itself isn't truth but it's a guide to truth because it tells us about ourselves and what we need to change within ourselves. Emotion is ruled by our mind and is a measure of what we believe (both consciously and unconsciously) about life. As long as emotion rules us then we are victims of our own thinking. We are all capable of creating a calm and peaceful disposition. To do so requires that we change how we think.
Action (Behavior)
What we do from moment to moment is one of the few things in life over which we have direct control. It is from this level that we create the life we live. Our actions however are powerfully influenced by our emotions, thoughts and beliefs.
Life (Immediate Environment)
Our actions and beliefs dramatically impact and create the life we experience day to day. We are directly responsible for our living arrangements, financial well being, personal and family relationships and a host of other aspects of our lives. Intellectually most people understand this but at the same time we often accuse people around us of victimizing us and causing the grief and hardship that we experience. Real influence over our lives is a result only of our own decisions and interaction with others. Power over my life is greatly enhanced as I embrace the fact of my responsibility for how everyone treats me and that I alone create my environment.
World (or Community or Nation)
The world has a significant impact on our lives but for the most part we don't influence the world substantially. In order to change the world you must be a model for the change you would like to see. Truly influencing the world at this level requires a deep commitment and a connection with the spirit within you that is transcendent and beyond ego - your bridge to God. Live in alignment with your spirit and you change the world.
Resources & Documentation
Medical research has demonstrated that the most rapid period of brain development occurs in the first few years of life and that the experiences of early childhood have an enduring effect on an individual's future learning capacity. http://www.worldbank.org/children/braindev.html
Research suggests that significant and critical brain development and development of intelligence occurs before the age of seven, particularly during the first three years of life. This process is influenced by a child's nutritional and health status and also by the kind of interaction a child develops with people and objects in the environment. It is highly dependent upon adequate nutrition, stimulation, and optimal care. During these first years, the key brain pathways for lifelong capabilities are established (or not). Once developed, the brain is much harder to modify. Therefore, what happens to a child, and the opportunities provided to a child in the first years are crucial in determining lifelong outcomes.
While there remains ongoing debate about the degree to which early disadvantages or trauma can be reversed later on, including with targeted interventions that aim to ameliorate problems, it is clear that adequate attention to the first months and years (including prenatally) of a child’s life ensures the best possible start in life. http://www.ecdgroup.com/eccdinfo.asp
