Working Caregiver- Caring for Alzheimers

How to Handle Alzheimers - A Caregiver Help Guide

Taking the Keys from Dad - Alzheimers Caregivers Driving Concerns
Dealing with Difficult Situations


This was a difficult day for us. My dad was not only upset and disappointed that he was losing the car keys, he was visibly angry. How could we rip away his independence! And we understood but our choices were eliminated. Dad's neighbors were calling my sister, who lived in the same city as dad, saying "Virginia, your dad drove past our house today like flash lightening and he was in the middle of the road!" Horror!

One weekend visiting him, I stood outside intentionally as he backed out of the driveway. Have mercy! As he approached the street, he didn't stop at the end of the driveway to check if there were cars coming down the street, he proceeded to back out, put the car in drive and pressed the throttle so deeply I thought he'd leave rubber on the road! What's worse, in the distance I saw he was in the middle of the road and lo and behold… a car approaching. He didn't budge. The car swerved, missing a ditch. That was it! No more keys. It's the keys or my heart (it literally took several minutes for my heart to drop back to the chest)!

Telling someone with or without Alzheimer's disease that driving is no longer safe can be a hard task, putting it mildly. For many adults, driving means independence and the ability to be self-reliant. Your loved one like our dad may get upset and resist giving up driving. But, safety must be the priority. Ask your loved one's doctor if you have concerns. That's exactly what we did. Dad's family physician of forty-five years laid the final law down on him. "Alfred," the doctor ordered "no more driving. That's it! I mean it!!" He actually listened and quietly gave us the keys. Well sort of quietly.

Here are some clues that will tell you that safe driving is no longer possible. Remember to ask family and friends to pay attention as well. Other clues to watch out for:

  • Getting lost in familiar places or surroundings
  • Getting too angry or upset about traffic
  • Ignoring traffic signs
  • Driving too fast or too slow

Be aware of your loved one's feelings about no longer driving. But, it's important to be firm in your request that they no drive. Be sure other family and friends know that your loved one should not drive. And make the decision final. Don't allow driving on "good" days, but forbid it on "bad" days.

If your loved one refuses to give up driving at your request, see if the doctor has ideas that may help. Sometimes, patients accept a doctor's authority more readily than a caregiver's request. In some states, a doctor can contact the Department of Motor Vehicles and request that a patient be reevaluated. But, laws about driver's license requirements are not the same from state to state.

You may need to take away the car keys or disable the car. Or, move the car to a location where your loved one can't see or gain access to it.

We were able to sleep nights. And I'm sure my dad was not. It's hard to take the privilege of driving away from anyone, including teenagers. But for some elders, safety must come first.